Best Friend took guy I liked for a long time...What to do?

by Anonymous

QUESTION: So, one school year I sat next to this guy. I started falling for him. His smile made me melt, and everything about him was perfect.

Last school year, he was in most of my cousins/BFF classes, and she decided that she liked him after I told her a year ago that I was falling for him hard. I'm quiet, so I didn't do anything about it other than write a love note to him that I never gave. Now, he says that he's falling for me also.

My BFF made her move. She got him, and I know that it's bad for me too say this, but I'm still in love with him. If you don't get how much I love him, I sit and cry about how much I want him.

What do I do? My BFF hates that I still like him, but how do I tell her that I LOVE him. He's everything I've ever wanted.


RESPONSE: Many people have experienced the same thing as you describe in wanting a particular lover (or any other thing for that matter) and for some reason are unable to get or have it. I've noticed in my own life that there are some things I really, really want that I don't get. I often ask "Why?" when I am in the middle of things but later on I can sometimes see the good in NOT getting what I so badly wanted. Is it possible that the Universe is a friendly place that has many good things in store for you throughout your lifetime?

Here are some other more direct questions for you to consider:
1. How important is your relationship to your bff compared to the guy you love?
2. If you love someone, you will want the best for them whether it directly benefits you or not – do you want the best for your bff? - for the guy?
3. If the tables were turned, how do you think your bff would respond?
4. Have you considered what feeling you want from having a relationship like this? For example, do you want to feel loved by another? Do you simply want to “have” a boyfriend?
5. Can you see any other possibilities for getting the love you want? The best way to feel more loved is to be more loving towards others – everyone included.
6. How important is it for you to speak your truth about how you feel?
7. What is one thing you can do right now that can shift your feelings from loneliness or sadness to anticipation or contentment with your present situation?
8. Is it possible for you to enjoy the feeling of being in love without needing to force it to happen?

Play the 11 Positive Possibilities Game. It goes something like this: Think up 11 different ways this situation could work itself out in ways that feel good to you (and everyone else if you can). Start out with the phrase "What if..." For instance, "What if my BFF and guy lose interest in each other and then guy falls for me?" You don't have to stop at 11 but try to get at least that many. Have fun thinking about all the potential things that could go just right for you.

-Steve Merz Anderson