Self Love

The concept of self love has been tainted by the fear of being seen as selfish. But I'm not talking about being self-absorbed, and only thinking of yourself. I am focusing on how you treat yourself, both in your thoughts and actions. Do you spend more of your days loving yourself or demeaning yourself?

Think about it, you will be with you for the rest of your life - that is for sure! So, isn't this your most important relationship to focus on, your relationship with your self? Self improvement starts with self love. You are with you 24-7-365 - way more than anyone else in your entire life. When you think of it like that, spending more time giving your self love seems like an important idea doesn't it?

Here are some questions to get you thinking about your level of self love.

1. Is your inner critic or your inner ally more active?
2. Do you give yourself the benefit of the doubt or do you more often negatively judge your every move?
3. Do you celebrate your inner victories and give yourself credit, or do you mostly think of all the things you should have done differently?
4. Do you usually give your time and energy to everyone else first and leave yourself last?
5. Can you enjoy being alone with yourself, and have a good time?
6. Do you focus more on your strengths or weaknesses?

Recently as I was talking to my life coach about a challenge I was experiencing, I said to her, "I guess I can either accept this as it is and build myself up, or I can resist what it is and beat myself up!" There is no inner peace in resisting "what is".

"I can either accept this as it is and build myself up, or I can resist what it is and beat myself up!"

Now I realize that some may read this and think "Oh but all this self love seems so self absorbed and arrogant". Let me clarify - I'm not talking about bragging or building up your ego. I'm referring to that gentle, genuine love that we can give ourselves throughout the day. We have a choice every day to either accept or resist; we can beat ourselves up, or build ourselves up. It's that simple, the choice is yours. You can build your self esteem and personal power with a few simple self love practices.

Here are a few ideas to support you in choosing self love:

• Be aware of when your inner critic is talking.
• Say stop, cancel or no thanks to your inner critic.
• Replace that critical thought with something that will build you up.
•  Say something like: "I deeply and completely love and accept myself", 300 times per day in the mirror. (Recommended by Louise Hay)
• Spend daily time focusing on your strengths.
• Celebrate YOU - build your self confidence by writing down three things you love about yourself before you go to bed.

I have fun throughout the day recognizing when my inner critic is showing up. I make it into a game where I call on my inner allies to replace the critical thoughts with more supportive ones. It's most helpful if your inner allies can phrase the supportive thought in a believable way. You don't have to change your thoughts instantly and drastically. Just a subtle improvement can be enough of a tipping point.

And why not? It's just plain more fun to hang out with your inner allies. What ideas or prompts can you think of that could help you remember to bring in your inner allies? Remember to be playful and have fun with this. Be incredibly gentle, and loving with yourself. And always remember to laugh when you catch that inner critic!