Trust Issues in Relationships

Expectation and perception are at the core of many trust issues in relationships. When you trust someone to perform in a certain way, you are expecting something out of them. This expectation might look obvious to you but not necessarily to the other. Similarly, just because you perceive that someone hasn't been trustworthy does not mean they see themselves that way. Maybe they are just in denial, but it could also mean they are unaware of the lack of relationship trust, or they could be living with a completely different set of expectations.

It's very easy to expect others to perform to our standards, but merely having an expectation doesn't necessarily make it happen. Unspoken expectations are a root cause of many trust issues in relationships. Trust, in other words, needs to be taken in the context in which it is placed. If you don't communicate your needs and desires around trust, you can't expect that you will get what you want from your partner (or anyone else).

Life Changes

Those of you who have been married may have said some impressive vows as part of your marriage ceremony. But have you continued to communicate those same things throughout your marriage? You may expect that those vows will never be broken, or your trust never betrayed, but the truth is, we all change. You are not the same person you were then. Trust issues in relationships stem from the mistaken thinking that it is normal for one's partner to be the same person as they were years ago. It is just plain unrealistic to expect others to act as they always have. True relationship trust is very different from merely expecting the same kind of behavior from your partner.

Trust must exist in the context of who both of you are in this moment.

Breaking free from the context of your history with a partner of many years can be difficult. Trust issues in relationships start with a shattered expectation, and continue with a lack of forgiveness and a desire to heal that separation.

Here are 3 ideas for getting a fresh start.

1. Rebuilding trust in a healthy relationship requires that you spend time together nurturing a common identity. Trust issues arise from having an "us and them" mentality. Work instead to find the values and common goals that create a sense of oneness together.

2. One of the best tips for rebuilding trust is to shift your expectations but not your hopes. When you expect your partner, child or business associate to follow through on their best intentions, you give them a vote of confidence. Expect and hope for the best from everyone. Healthy relationships are enhanced when someone feels the confidence of others. They are far more likely to feel the confidence in themselves to follow through.

3. Finally, spend more time together just being your true, authentic self.  Also, find and develop a genuine interest in something your partner is interested in. Trust issues in relationships can diminish by creating authentically honest and enjoyable time together. You will find less of a need to create any false perceptions of your partner. A genuine interest in another will tend to draw you both closer to the trust relationship you desire.